A Song for You

Dear Sweet Baby,

Long before you were forming in my belly, a song came out by one of your mom and dad's favorite groups - Shane and Shane. The first time I heard the song, I wept. I wept because of the truth the the song holds and I wept because I longed to one day be able to share this with you. Although the song is written for a girl, we do not know if you are a girl or a boy yet, but the message stays the same. Our desire and our prayer for you daily is that you would come to know Christ as your Savior and that you would grow in a personal relationship with him. So for now, here's the lyrics for The One You Need by Shane and Shane:

Hey hey sweet daughter

I am so proud to be your father

Each day is like a gift from God

Hey hey sweet daughter

There's no music like your laughter

And your smile is like a rising sun

You know I loved you from the start

So come in close

Take my hand for daddy shares his heart

I wish that I could be your everything

Be the one to give you all the things you need

Sometimes I'm gonna let you down

But there's someone if you just believe

Be your hero like He's always been for me

Darling, Jesus is the one you need

No matter what you walk through

He will always love you just the way you are

For there's nothing in this world

That I'd walk for my baby girl

That she'll be happy ever after

The story of your life is still untold

I pray the King of all the Universe

Would make your heart His own

I wish that I could be your everything

Be the one to give you all the things you need

Sometimes I'm gonna let you down

But there's someone if you just believe

Be your hero like He's always been for me

Darling, Jesus is the one

Who will never leave

He's been there all along

All ready You can find to love

I wish that I could be your everything

Be the one to give you all the things you need

Sometimes I'm gonna let you down

But there's someone if you just believe

Be your hero like He's always been for me

Darling, Jesus is the one you need

• Writer(s): Shane Everett, Shane Barnard, Jason Ingram
  Copyright: Windsor Hill Music, Sony/ATV Timber Publishing, West Main Music
  Lyrics powered by www.musiXmatch.com

Sweet Baby, we pray that the King of all the Universe would make your heart His own - that's all that matters.

We love you enough to tell you we're not it - 

Mom (and Dad)

For readers, if you want to listen you can find it here The One You Need

The news is out...

Dear Sweet Baby,

The news is finally out! Your mom is relieved. I am grateful that I have not been sick or else our little secret would have been much harder to keep. I'm so thankful everyone knows about you now! People are so excited. Your extended family is eagerly awaiting your arrival and your church family rejoiced at our news this Sunday. On the back of our Christmas card to everyone, we included a sweet verse from James 1:

Every good gift and every perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of lights with whom there is no variation or shadow due to change.

We do believe that you are a good and perfect gift. We also acknowledge that you are given to us as an act of grace from God our Father. We see that He is already using you to not only cause us to grow closer together, but to also bring us into a new level of intimacy and dependence upon Him. Oh are we ever so grateful. 

We love you sweet baby and pray for you daily,

Your mommy (and daddy)

Our First Glimpse of You

Dear Sweet Baby,

We saw you today and you are beautiful, perfect, wonderfully created by God. At one point during the ultrasound, you caused me to giggle the way you were wiggling around in there. When I giggled, you bent your knees and did a tiny little jump up and down. Your little movements that the Lord allowed us to see today made your mommy so excited! We are so thankful for the wonderful gift the Lord has given to us and we can't wait to actually get to hold you instead of seeing you through an ultrasound, but hey, we'll take what we get for now. Let's share your cute little self with everyone. At this point not many know about you, but you are oh so very much loved.

Excited to see you,

Mom (and Dad)

Our sweet little baby!

Everything looks perfect! You measured at 12 weeks and 3 days. 

You gave us a little way just to make sure we were watching!

You can see your little hands and feet.

This is your mom's least favorite picture.
Thanks for looking at us, but at this point you look a little like an alien.

This is when we got to hear your little heart beat for the very first time.

Your heart rate is 175bpm.

Baby White 

Your Grandparents and Aunt Jada Are Expecting You

Dear Sweet Baby, 

When we got home from our confirmation appointment yesterday, your dad and I had planned on telling your grandparents and your Aunt Jada. We had been planning exactly how to tell them all at the same time for weeks! We finally came up with this idea and it worked perfectly!

All the messages are ready to go!

The packages are ready to go!

Within an hour (except for Jada who was out of town for something?) we had heard from all your grandparents! They are so excited! You will no doubt be both a Tarheels fan and a Gamecocks fan. Some will ask you how that works, and you can kindly let them know that it works in perfect harmony for your parents! We love you and now you are loved by five more who will surely spoil you!

We love our little Tarheels and Gamecocks fan!

Your mom and dad :-)

Our first appointment

Dear Sweet Baby,

Today we went to confirm that you are indeed growing inside of my body. Surprise, Surprise, you are! I am nauseous most days all day, but I have found some help. I have been wearing Sea-bands for less than a week now and I think they are helping. I know you're not making me queasy, but your dad still talks to you every morning and instructs you to not make me feel sick! I love that he binds down and talks to you before I go out the door. You have an awesome dad already and I cannot wait until you are able to be in his arms. Keep growing sweet baby and we will see you at our next appointment.

Loving you,

Mommy (and Daddy)

Letters to You

Dear Sweet Baby,

Today we found out that the Lord has given you life and your new little life is inside of me! I am full of excitement, love, uncertainty, fear, and probably others that I can't even grasp at this moment. I wish I had a picture of your daddy's face when I first told him the news, but I'm sure you'll see that face again and when you do I promise to point it out! He is so excite and grateful to the Father for giving us you a a sweet little gift.

I'm sure there will be many times that we will tell you about the day we found out we were expecting you! We know God has orchestrated your existence and he will carry your little body through development and you will be exactly as He has designed you to be.

Love you already,

Your mommy (and daddy)

Two Pink Lines

I know this post is late, but since we kept it quiet for so long I thought I would share now...

Over the past weekend, Michael and I have been enjoying a weekend away for our 5th wedding anniversary. It was a great time of rest and just enjoying one another. It was a time of reflecting on the Lord's grace in our lives through the covenant of marriage. We left early to get some things done for our annual Halloween Bash that we hold for the youth and we finally settled on living room furniture that was long overdue. Needless to say, the last thing we thought this weekend would hold would be a life changing realization.

There were some things that just didn't seem quite right and I was determined that if those things were still at play when we got home then I would take a pregnancy test. To be honest, it would not be the first one I would take as Michael and I have desired that the Lord would bless us with children for over two years now. When we got home, Michael went out to the shed to work on something and I went on in the house to unpack. I finally got the nerve (which I thought was probably pointless) to take a test. To my surprise, it instantly showed positive. I cannot do justice with words to explain what went on inside of my body. My whole body was shaking; my heart was racing. I'm still not sure if I was excited or scared out of my mind as to what that tiny little stick meant. I ran to the door and with a tone that signaled to Michael something was wrong, he quickly came running to the house. I took him by the hand, told him and walked to the bathroom. After we both looked at it and were both speechless, I went on to take two other tests that did not hesitate to instantly show that we were in fact pregnant. And so the journey begins...

Perfect and Complete, Lacking Nothing

Oh, there are no sweeter words that have entered my ears and have been seen with my eyes than: 

"Count it all joy, my brothers, when you meet trials of various kinds, for you know that the testing of your faith produces steadfastness. And let steadfastness have its full effect, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing."   James 1:2-4

The past few weeks the Lord has been gracious to work in my life through His Word and through the Spirit. Even as I now write, indescribable emotions fill my heart. I read this text first because I was preparing to teach the discipleship class I am leading this fall. I read it almost a week before just so that the Lord could begin teaching me from His words. Never (even though I should) did I expect that those words would be more fitting now than ever before in my life. 

As I first started meditating over it, the Lord reminded me of how I often feel so incomplete, not good enough, not perfect (obviously), ever feeling like if I could only do more. I read the words over again "that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing." The Lord reminded me of the many times I had felt his presence while reading this passage, but never focused on verse 4. That night I found great comfort in knowing that He is actively at work in every single thing he allows in my life. Why? So that I may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing. Please do not mistake this for self-centeredness, as I know all too many times we as Christians make the Gospel about ourselves. It's not. However, this work is an effect that the Gospel has on a sinner's life. I know that because of Christ's coming, dying, and raising again, God is working out His purpose in those He has redeemed in Christ. These words were with me when I lay my head down on the pillow and when I rose in the morning. It brought an incredible sense of peace and joy in my life that was renewed in God's faithfulness to His own. And for that I'm so thankful.

I had no idea, however, that He would be guiding me to this passage for so many more reasons that I had not foreseen.

On Saturday we went to see my cousin Nicky, who has been fighting cancer for sometime now. Earlier in the week we had gotten word that the outlook was not good, and Saturday was the first time our family could all get together and go. As we visited with the family, my uncle shared of how they had heard stories of a neighbor sharing Christ with Nicky and Nicky reassuring them that she was right with the Lord. This, as it would any believer's heart, encouraged them. It encouraged me. There was a lot of silence and thinking going on as Michael and I drove home down Franklin Blvd. Finally, I looked over at Michael and recited James 1:4 "and let steadfastness have its full effect so that you may be perfect and complete, lacking nothing." I continued, but all I could say was, "Those are such sweet words." Those were certainly not very deep thoughts, but it was all I could get out. I got silent again and stared out the window. My eyes were full of tears and then the Lord began to speak again. As many who read will know, my popaw was killed in a car accident almost exactly a year ago. I felt the Spirit repeat, "that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing." The Lord had determined his days and I know that he is now perfect and complete, lacking nothing. Why bring up my popaw, you may be wondering? Because I could also hear my Aunt Dale saying, "I just don't think it's quite time." 

Neither I nor anyone else will know what was going on in Nicky's heart and mind the days that she struggled through this disease. We will never know what happened in those days that she labored through the trials of cancer from Saturday through Wednesday when she went on to be with the Lord, but what I do know is that God's Word says that "we should consider it pure joy when we meet trials of various kinds, for we know that the testing of our faith produces steadfastness." And that we should "let steadfastness have its full effect, that we may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing." I know that in those last days as she was persevering through those final days in her trial, He was working out her faith so that she would be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing.

Praise be to our gracious God who is intimately involved in the lives of His own so that they may be found perfect and complete, lacking nothing. I am so thankful for a loving and merciful God that uses our trials for His glory. ~soli Deo gloria

Psalm 27

People often as me what one thing in India stands out to me. Most then follow with suggestions like food, poverty, the number of people, but none of those things even come close to the memory that I will never forget. That question brings back more emotions that one would think and those emotions feel the same as they did when I first heard the testimony of one of my students. 

I meant to write about this on the last day that we were still in India when we had some time, but I never seemed to get around to it. 

It was the last day of our teaching time at Logos. Each day I had students share their testimonies of how they came to know Christ, what he was currently doing in their hearts, and what their goal was after college. Many shared about their families, struggles throughout childhood, bible schools, crusades, etc. But one story stood out to me above all the others I heard. It wasn't that this particular girl's story was any better than the other, but it was because the Lord had used the same Scripture in our lives to bring about change in our hearts for the sake of the Gospel.

It the muggy room that morning, she got up and stood in front on the podium. She, like the others, told about her father, mother, and her siblings. Of course, they included their ages and whether or not they were married. (This seemed to be a given of introductions) She told of her family without much emotion. But then everything changed. Her eyes suddenly lit up and I can't even describe the connection my spirit made with hers. She started reciting Psalm 27. Instantly our eyes connected, my face lit up as hers did, and I recited it with her. Tears rolled from my eyes. I was overjoyed. I was humbled. I was saddened. I was hopeful. I was so incredibly thankful for the Gospel. I was thankful for Christ. I was thankful for a God whom is also a Father. After she recited the passage, she went on to tell how the Lord had used that Scripture in her life. 

She repeated verse 10, "For my father and my mother have forsaken me,  but the Lord will take me in." She spoke with more joy than I could ever justly describe with mere words, that her father and her mother had, in fact, forsaken her. But it was okay. She went on to explain that it was okay because God's word tells her that the Lord will never forsake her. The assurance she found and testified to of the infallible Word of God was incredible, peace-filled, and confident. She didn't shed a tear over the abandonment of her parents, though she probably had prior to this point. She was trusting in the Lord to not only provide for her, but to be her Father. 

The contentment, peace, and joy with which she spoke was encouraging and pointed straight to the Father who has provided for her deepest need in Christ's suffering, death, and resurrection. She knows that although she is currently facing estrangement from her family, she knows that Christ has suffered the ultimate suffering and hers, comparatively, is not so bad. She holds fast the promise that she will not be afraid of this life because she knows her future both on earth and after she dies is in Christ.

As she finished testifying of God's grace, I wiped the tears from my eyes, placed my hands together, palms pressed together, fingers pointing up right below my chin and gave a slight nod to her to humbly thank her for her testament of God's grace in her life.

I pray that the Spirit would cause the words to come alive in your heart and bring you incredibly joy that is only found in knowing that it is the Lord is your light, your salvation, your stronghold and because of that, come what may, you can live without fear.

The Lord is my light and my salvation;
    whom shall I fear?
The Lord is the stronghold^[a] of my life;
    of whom shall I be afraid?

² When evildoers assail me
    to eat up my flesh,
my adversaries and foes,
    it is they who stumble and fall.

³ Though an army encamp against me,
    my heart shall not fear;
though war arise against me,
    yet^[b] I will be confident.

⁴ One thing have I asked of the Lord,
    that will I seek after:
that I may dwell in the house of the Lord
    all the days of my life,
to gaze upon the beauty of the Lord
    and to inquire^[c] in his temple.

⁵ For he will hide me in his shelter
    in the day of trouble;
he will conceal me under the cover of his tent;
    he will lift me high upon a rock.

⁶ And now my head shall be lifted up
    above my enemies all around me,
and I will offer in his tent
    sacrifices with shouts of joy;
I will sing and make melody to the Lord.

⁷ Hear, O Lord, when I cry aloud;
    be gracious to me and answer me!
⁸ You have said, “Seek^[d] my face.”
My heart says to you,
    “Your face, Lord, do I seek.”^[e]
9     Hide not your face from me.
Turn not your servant away in anger,
    O you who have been my help.
Cast me not off; forsake me not,
    O God of my salvation!
¹⁰ For my father and my mother have forsaken me,
    but the Lord will take me in.

¹¹ Teach me your way, O Lord,
    and lead me on a level path
    because of my enemies.
¹² Give me not up to the will of my adversaries;
    for false witnesses have risen against me,
    and they breathe out violence.

¹³ I believe^[f] that I shall look upon the goodness of the Lord
    in the land of the living!
¹⁴ Wait for the Lord;
    be strong, and let your heart take courage;
    wait for the Lord!

Emotions Running High

This week has been one of those weeks where you feel like you are struggling for everything and then all of a sudden you see how the Lord has grown you, not only in those few short days, but how he has been working for days, months, and even years.

There have been many nights this week where Michael and I have sat in silence, not because we were mad at each other, but rather because the Lord had silenced us and was working through our thoughts, our prayers, and even our emotions. There are many times I feel like a failure. I know that's harsh, but we always judge ourselves harsher than others would. I think that's okay, because I know that the judgment that I issue on myself only makes me run fast to the foot of the cross and plead for Christ to empower me with his Spirit to do what only he can do. 

I am in daily need of his grace. Through self-reflection and God's kind conviction of sin in my own life, other's stories, and hearing the consequences of sin in various individuals lives, I was broken this week. I was seeking the Lord for help. I can't help myself. I can't help others. I cannot save anyone. But oh my, we have a gracious Lord who is the Savior. The One who came and lived sinlessly, as we cannot, and took God's full wrath that we had earned, which was God's just judgment for our sin that he paid on the cross. As Paul states so beautifully in Colossians:

"And you, who were dead in your trespasses and the uncircumcision of your flesh, God made alive together with him, having forgiven us all our trespasses, by canceling the record of debt that stood against us with its legal demands. This he set aside, nailing it to the cross."

Oh how beautiful is the grace that has been extended to us in Christ. The Lord was teaching me, growing me in wisdom, and steering my heart toward the only place that it was created to desire - the cross.

"I do not cease to give thanks for you, remembering you in my prayers." Ephesians 1:16

Before I began writing this post, I looked through all the pictures of my students that I have taught, gotten to know, and learned from for the past 10 days or so. I have sat looking out the window recalling the smiles that we shared, the worship that we had together, and most of all, remembering their testimonies. I remember how many of them come from places where the Gospel is not accepted. I remember how one student told of his father being shut out of their families house because he began to follow Jesus. I remember of one student sharing of how she was beaten for believing in Christ. I remember various students telling of sicknesses or near death experiences and had it not been for the grace of God, they would have not been at Logos. I remember them testifying to the mercy and grace that God has had on their life. I remember

As I remember, I pray for them. I pray selfishly that I'll see them again. I pray that they would be safe and that the Lord would keep them. I pray that their needs are provided for. I pray that their families would come to know Christ - especially those that come from Hindu families. But even as I pray those things, I reminded that it is not "safe" to follow Christ. That idea is just my comfortable, American way of thinking. With tears, I pray that regardless of all those things, that the Gospel would be advanced by the very people we have spent time with the past two weeks.

MDIV 1st year students! They are all so sweet, humble, and so honoring. I thank the Lord for these.

BTH 2nd year students! This group was so funny and, of course, so sweet to me! I am so thankful for the way they loved me.

I thank these students so much for sharing their stories with me, for loving me, for serving and honoring Michael and me while we were with them, and most importantly for desiring to be faithful servants of the Most High God.

So I'll leave this post with one of my favorite Psalm and one that I often quote. This is my prayer for them:

May God be gracious to you and bless you

and make his face shine upon you,

that His way may be known on earth

and His saving power among all nations.

Let the peoples praise you, O God;

let all the peoples praise you!

Agape Children's Home

Michael's victory!

Our hearts were full after visiting the boys living at Agape Children's Home. It was difficult when we first arrived because we don't speak the language of the state of Kerala (Malayalam) and the boys' English was limited. But once we discovered we could take funny pictures and arm wrestle, the whole night changed! It was good for our souls to be able to laugh and see smiles come to these boy's faces! Michael even got Abraham to join in the fun! :-)

Look at his face!! The other boys could not get over
how serious his face was!

Abraham and Michael. We have really enjoyed
every minute with this guy!

We learned that somewhere between 40-50% of India's 1.2 billion people are children. Agape Royal Ministries (the ministry directed by our host) is wisely making children's outreach a priority and has a number of children's homes throughout India. Most of the children they take in are not orphans per se, but come from single parent homes who are unable to raise them. We were so impressed by the cleanliness and family atmosphere of the home, for which a godly couple serves as houseparents. What a commitment this couple has made! Raising one or two boys who are not your biological children would be difficult, but they have charge for eighteen! Most of the boys in this home come from Hindu families, but now they are regularly taught Scripture, participate in a local church, and hear the gospel. They even sang for us when arrived! Each of the boys were respectful and well-mannered, and we were encouraged that the each of the older boys—or young men, we should say—had a clear career path. One was working toward a degree in Information Technology, another one was pursuing engineering, and two intend to study medicine.

We thank the Lord for enabling us to meet with them even if we only crossed paths for an hour or so. We pray that we will see these boys again one day—around the throne of God as every tribe, tongue, and nation gathers to declare His praise.

Michael was able to pray for the boys before we went downstairs to eat. 

Logos College

This is the girls dorm and where I had my classes.

This is the building where we had chapel and Michael had his class. 

All the students, staff, and visitors (us and Anna)! We were able to get a "quick" picture after chapel.

Bethel Children's Home

On Tuesday evening, we visited Bethel Children's Home. We were greeted by Pastor Sunny and his wife. Behind a curtain, we heard tiny little whispers of excitement! They seated us right inside and then all of the girls came out. They then commenced to sing for us many songs and some even with dances! We were overjoyed to see the joy on their faces. We had been given some background on the children that we would meet in these homes earlier in the week. These children are not orphans, but rather in most cases they are children with only one parent and the parent could not provide for them.

They definitely sang a joyful noise to the Lord. After they performed, Michael and I were flogged! :-) I don't say that because we were bothered by it. On the contrary, it was humbling and just mind blowing to see how much they wanted to talk to us, tell us their names, and touch my face! The girls showed us their rooms. I probably had about 8 or more girls grabbing my arm leading me to their room. It was awesome! They each told us their names and shook both of our hands. Then they would point to their chest and say, "My name" and they would want you to remember their names. Unfortunately it was impossible to remember. Their precious little faces would sigh and then kindly tell us their names again! It was so funny! Then after they would talk to us, they each wanted to touch my face. If you think about how on T.V. the aunt always pinches your cheeks, yes, it was something like that! It brings a smile to my heart just to even write those words.

Finally we were ushered on into have dinner. We,

still days later, are completely humbled by our dinner that night. Sunny and his wife served us butter chicken (the best butter chicken I have had here) and chicken fried rice (also the best I've had here). They did not eat with us, but rather served us. Over the course of being here more than a week, we have learned that chicken has become more expensive so most people will not have it often. To know that Pastor Sunny and his wife invited us into their home, cooked for us, served us, on top of managing on these kids + 3 kids of their own, leaves us humbly thankful!

Bethel is just one of many children's homes in Agape Royal Ministries. This one was a girls home, but we will go to another children's home tonight that is for boys. We are excited to see what fellowship tonight holds! Please pray for these girls and Pastor Sunny and his family. We are so thankful that as brothers and sisters in Christ we have sweet fellowship.

Teaching at Logos

Hello to all!

It is almost 9:00 p.m. here in Trivandrum and our hearts are full. We have had such a wonderful time so far and as I mentioned to Michael tonight, it is already going to be hard to leave! I wanted to give you all a glimpse of what it has been like to teach at Logos. Michael is teaching Biblical Interpretation and I am working with students on English skills both in speaking and writing.

Michael instructing his class before chapel.

Michael interacting with his students.

Group work: Create your own proverb.

More group work

These are some pictures from my classes today. Students were working on article practice - a, an, the. This has been a challenge for me to teach because, as I shared with them, we are not taught to use articles; we just use them. So it has been a unique challenge to try to teach how to use them and when to use each one correctly. My students are also sharing their testimonies with the class. They are sharing about where they are from, how they have come to know Christ, and what the Lord is doing in their lives currently. It has been really neat to hear their stories. :-) Enjoy the pics!

Listening to their classmates tell their testimonies.

Sharing her story with the class.

Sharing his story.

These at BTH II students. They are so funny! I laugh the whole time I have them.

Sharing her story of how she came to Christ and what the Lord has done in her life.

All of the students working on their article worksheet. Some of this is easy for them and then in some cases determining the correct article is very difficult. These girls on the front row are very kind to me and help me mutter through pronouncing their names! Super sweet girls!

Article practice

Article practice

Article practice

I am so thankful for what the Lord has done in the hearts of these sweet people! May he continue to work so that all people may come to know the saving power that has been given to us by God in the Lord Jesus Christ.