Growing. Every. Day.

Almost 8 months ago, I held this sweet baby in my arms for the first time. She is growing everyday! I can barely handle it! Oh, little did I know how the Lord would use this look booger in my life. I had no idea how selfish I was...still am. I had no idea how much motherhood would demand...I would give it even more. I had no idea how much love I could have for someone...This reminds me of the love that the Father must have for His only son. I had no idea how much joy this little body could bring to my life...the joy is in abundance. I had no idea how much I would pray that the Lord would make her heart His own...I want her to be with me at the foot of the Father for eternity. I had no idea how much a smile could be contagious...hers penetrates my heart even on the worst days. I had no idea how much I would want to preserve her innocence...but realistically I know that the Father cares far more for her heart than I. I had no idea that when she crawls away that the Lord would speak to my heart even now preparing me for the time that He could call her to go away from us to take the Gospel to others (yes, that happened the other day.) I had no idea why the Lord had given us this sweet gift in this specific time, but with every day I understand increasingly more. I had no idea how her sweet voice singing during worship at church could stir this momma to tears, but she does. I had no idea what joy the Lord was bringing into so many lives with this sweet baby, but He did....He does...and He'll continue to. I praise the Lord for this sweet baby :)

Please, I beg you...

I have started and stopped and started and stopped and have tried to talk myself out of writing this. Seriously, can it not just go away?

It hasn't.

In my 10th grade class today in the midst of a group activity analyzing character, my students began to chatter about 50 Shades of Grey. Do I engage? Do I ignore? I chose to engage. If not me, who?

Can you imagine the depth of sadness in my heart when I listened as my students were aware of their moms going to this? Can you imagine the depth of despair I had for our world when my students (teenagers!) saw that there was fundamentally a problem with this?

On the other hand, I scroll through twitter and see young girls that I know tweeting about their excitement for this movie to come out? Can you believe the brokenness and confusion when I see that some of these girls are engaged in a semi-local mega church?

Dads and Moms, we are failing. Churches, we are failing.

Dads first...

You are the head of your household. Whether you are a believer in Christ or not, you are the head of your household. Please, guard your ladies' hearts. Remember the time you first held your wife in your arms. Remember how precious that was. Remember how different that was. Remember how pure that way. Remember how you loved her far more than the sex that she had/has to offer. Remember the joy you experienced when you found out you would have a baby. Remember holding that baby in your arms. Dads of girls, remember how you would hold her in your arms and swear you would kill any man that would dare to harm you daughter. Remember? Then kill it. Kill this sin in your home. Guard your daughter from the false teaching that she has to be controlled and "submissive" (in the non-biblical sense) to be loved.

Instead, teach her of Christ and His love for the church. Teach her of the all-surpassing greatness of the King of the Universe and how he has made a way in Christ for her to be a daughter of the most high God. Teach her to love Christ, love His Word, and love His church. Teach her to submit herself to the Lord and pursue Him. Teach her that God cares for her heart more than you or any man ever could. Teach her that God is Jehovah Jireh and He will provide for all her needs. Most importantly, as you do this, pray. Pray for your wife's heart. Pray for your daughter's heart. And pray that God would guard them by His Spirit in the Lord's grace.

Moms...

I beg you, please, for the sake of your daughter watching you, please say no. Please, don't go watch this movie. Don't let this be the book that your daughter sees you reading. Don't let this be the book that she picks up and begins to read and is sucked in only to find that she is finished the book before she even realizes the darkness that has entered her sweet soul. Don't you realize that even though your daughter "hates" you and you "embarrass" her, she is watching your every move. She sees the way you interact with your husband. Or, she sees you and how you handle yourself as a single mom. She desires to see you live rightly. She desires to see how to live purely. She desires for you to love someone greater than yourself who can satisfy more than sex. Moms, please teach your daughter that sex does not gain her the relationship that her heart desires more than anything.

Daughters....

I beg you, please, please don't read it and don't watch the movie. Guard your heart. Please know that it was not God's design for you to be exposed to such things at this age - much more, at any age. God's design is for a marriage that mirrors the relationship between Christ, His Son, and the Church. This type of relationship is pure. The kind of submission that God has outlined in His word is not the kind you will find in the movie. God made it clear when he said through Paul, "Husbands, love your wives as Christ loves His Church and gave himself up for her....Wives, submit to your husbands, as unto the Lord." This is a sacrificial, unconditional love - not a love based on sex games, control, etc.

Please, please, hear me. Despite what culture is telling you, sex does not get you a boyfriend that you want. Sex was designed as a benefit of marriage, not as a way to give a guy what he wants in hopes that you, then, will be good enough. Please, please, hear me. If a man has you do something that you are uncomfortable doing, that is not love. Instead, sweet girl, run to Christ. I know that hole in your heart that desires a man. I know that excitement that you get from this romantic story that our culture tells over and over again. But, can I tell you something? The romantic love story that God writes is so much better. I know that's easy for me to say, right? I'm married. But trust me. I've been in bad relationships. I've been on the wrong side. The story that God has given me was nothing that I chose - it's so much better.

If you read, I'm not judging. Please, Lord, know that I am not judging. But, with tears in my eyes, I'm begging you to "run from evil, and cling to what is good."

I need grace...

As I recap my day, I look over to see a sick husband, I check in to see a sweet sleeping baby, thinking about all the things I need to do, want to do, should do, and I conclude: I need grace.

I need grace...when I'm trying to get myself out the door plus a wide awake little Kinleigh and things just aren't seeming to work.

I need grace...when I get to work later than I wanted to.

I need grace...when I don't get my way and instead of repenting of the sin that places myself before others, I insist on my way.

I need grace...when I'm trying to out the door and my husband wants to talk and doesn't move as fast as I think I need him to.

I need grace...when my selfish, anti-morning self harshly responds to my husband.

I need grace....to not say what my sinful self wants to say.

I need grace...to rely on when I say it anyway.

I need grace...when things just aren't seeming to click.

I need grace...so that my marriage resembles the marriage of Christ and the Church.

I need grace...to love my husband well.

I need grace...to encourage my husband.

I need grace...to care for my husband.

I need grace...to prep baby food...again...tonight.

I need grace...to fix yet another bottle.

I need grace...to love my baby in the midst of the tears.

I need grace...to point K to Christ in everything that I do - in celebrations and in discipline.

I need grace...when I'm at my wits end and I just don't know if I can take anything else.

I need grace...when I lack wisdom.

I need grace...when all I hear/see from my students is blatant sin in their lives.

I need grace...in knowing how to respond to sticky situations.

I need grace...in carefully pointing those students to Christ.

I need grace...to love the unloveable.

I need grace...to not make Christ or His Church look bad.

I need grace...when I see tons of posting on social media on how to be "skinnier", "healthier", and "attractive-er" (haha).

I need grace...when society tells me that my post baby body shouldn't look post baby.

I need grace...when I don't make it to the gym.

I need grace...when I judge myself for everything I have done and criticize myself for everything not done.

I need grace...to say no.

I need grace...to say it is okay.

I need grace...to run to Christ.

I need grace...to flee evil.

I need grace...to love well.

I need grace...to serve well.

I need grace...to live well and make much of Christ.

I need grace...and that grace in found in Christ.

So in the bustle of my week and increasingly in my weekends, I'm desperate for grace. I'm desperate for the Gospel that saved me - in making a wretched sinner a daughter of the King apart from anything that I had/have/or could have ever done. In the grace from Christ, we are free to fail and cling to the cross for His complete, satisfying substitution for every failure that we had, have, or will have.