Letters to You

Dear Sweet Baby,

Today we found out that the Lord has given you life and your new little life is inside of me! I am full of excitement, love, uncertainty, fear, and probably others that I can't even grasp at this moment. I wish I had a picture of your daddy's face when I first told him the news, but I'm sure you'll see that face again and when you do I promise to point it out! He is so excite and grateful to the Father for giving us you a a sweet little gift.

I'm sure there will be many times that we will tell you about the day we found out we were expecting you! We know God has orchestrated your existence and he will carry your little body through development and you will be exactly as He has designed you to be.

Love you already,

Your mommy (and daddy)

Two Pink Lines

I know this post is late, but since we kept it quiet for so long I thought I would share now...

Over the past weekend, Michael and I have been enjoying a weekend away for our 5th wedding anniversary. It was a great time of rest and just enjoying one another. It was a time of reflecting on the Lord's grace in our lives through the covenant of marriage. We left early to get some things done for our annual Halloween Bash that we hold for the youth and we finally settled on living room furniture that was long overdue. Needless to say, the last thing we thought this weekend would hold would be a life changing realization.

There were some things that just didn't seem quite right and I was determined that if those things were still at play when we got home then I would take a pregnancy test. To be honest, it would not be the first one I would take as Michael and I have desired that the Lord would bless us with children for over two years now. When we got home, Michael went out to the shed to work on something and I went on in the house to unpack. I finally got the nerve (which I thought was probably pointless) to take a test. To my surprise, it instantly showed positive. I cannot do justice with words to explain what went on inside of my body. My whole body was shaking; my heart was racing. I'm still not sure if I was excited or scared out of my mind as to what that tiny little stick meant. I ran to the door and with a tone that signaled to Michael something was wrong, he quickly came running to the house. I took him by the hand, told him and walked to the bathroom. After we both looked at it and were both speechless, I went on to take two other tests that did not hesitate to instantly show that we were in fact pregnant. And so the journey begins...

Perfect and Complete, Lacking Nothing

Oh, there are no sweeter words that have entered my ears and have been seen with my eyes than: 

"Count it all joy, my brothers, when you meet trials of various kinds, for you know that the testing of your faith produces steadfastness. And let steadfastness have its full effect, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing."   James 1:2-4

The past few weeks the Lord has been gracious to work in my life through His Word and through the Spirit. Even as I now write, indescribable emotions fill my heart. I read this text first because I was preparing to teach the discipleship class I am leading this fall. I read it almost a week before just so that the Lord could begin teaching me from His words. Never (even though I should) did I expect that those words would be more fitting now than ever before in my life. 

As I first started meditating over it, the Lord reminded me of how I often feel so incomplete, not good enough, not perfect (obviously), ever feeling like if I could only do more. I read the words over again "that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing." The Lord reminded me of the many times I had felt his presence while reading this passage, but never focused on verse 4. That night I found great comfort in knowing that He is actively at work in every single thing he allows in my life. Why? So that I may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing. Please do not mistake this for self-centeredness, as I know all too many times we as Christians make the Gospel about ourselves. It's not. However, this work is an effect that the Gospel has on a sinner's life. I know that because of Christ's coming, dying, and raising again, God is working out His purpose in those He has redeemed in Christ. These words were with me when I lay my head down on the pillow and when I rose in the morning. It brought an incredible sense of peace and joy in my life that was renewed in God's faithfulness to His own. And for that I'm so thankful.

I had no idea, however, that He would be guiding me to this passage for so many more reasons that I had not foreseen.

On Saturday we went to see my cousin Nicky, who has been fighting cancer for sometime now. Earlier in the week we had gotten word that the outlook was not good, and Saturday was the first time our family could all get together and go. As we visited with the family, my uncle shared of how they had heard stories of a neighbor sharing Christ with Nicky and Nicky reassuring them that she was right with the Lord. This, as it would any believer's heart, encouraged them. It encouraged me. There was a lot of silence and thinking going on as Michael and I drove home down Franklin Blvd. Finally, I looked over at Michael and recited James 1:4 "and let steadfastness have its full effect so that you may be perfect and complete, lacking nothing." I continued, but all I could say was, "Those are such sweet words." Those were certainly not very deep thoughts, but it was all I could get out. I got silent again and stared out the window. My eyes were full of tears and then the Lord began to speak again. As many who read will know, my popaw was killed in a car accident almost exactly a year ago. I felt the Spirit repeat, "that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing." The Lord had determined his days and I know that he is now perfect and complete, lacking nothing. Why bring up my popaw, you may be wondering? Because I could also hear my Aunt Dale saying, "I just don't think it's quite time." 

Neither I nor anyone else will know what was going on in Nicky's heart and mind the days that she struggled through this disease. We will never know what happened in those days that she labored through the trials of cancer from Saturday through Wednesday when she went on to be with the Lord, but what I do know is that God's Word says that "we should consider it pure joy when we meet trials of various kinds, for we know that the testing of our faith produces steadfastness." And that we should "let steadfastness have its full effect, that we may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing." I know that in those last days as she was persevering through those final days in her trial, He was working out her faith so that she would be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing.

Praise be to our gracious God who is intimately involved in the lives of His own so that they may be found perfect and complete, lacking nothing. I am so thankful for a loving and merciful God that uses our trials for His glory. ~soli Deo gloria

Psalm 27

People often as me what one thing in India stands out to me. Most then follow with suggestions like food, poverty, the number of people, but none of those things even come close to the memory that I will never forget. That question brings back more emotions that one would think and those emotions feel the same as they did when I first heard the testimony of one of my students. 

I meant to write about this on the last day that we were still in India when we had some time, but I never seemed to get around to it. 

It was the last day of our teaching time at Logos. Each day I had students share their testimonies of how they came to know Christ, what he was currently doing in their hearts, and what their goal was after college. Many shared about their families, struggles throughout childhood, bible schools, crusades, etc. But one story stood out to me above all the others I heard. It wasn't that this particular girl's story was any better than the other, but it was because the Lord had used the same Scripture in our lives to bring about change in our hearts for the sake of the Gospel.

It the muggy room that morning, she got up and stood in front on the podium. She, like the others, told about her father, mother, and her siblings. Of course, they included their ages and whether or not they were married. (This seemed to be a given of introductions) She told of her family without much emotion. But then everything changed. Her eyes suddenly lit up and I can't even describe the connection my spirit made with hers. She started reciting Psalm 27. Instantly our eyes connected, my face lit up as hers did, and I recited it with her. Tears rolled from my eyes. I was overjoyed. I was humbled. I was saddened. I was hopeful. I was so incredibly thankful for the Gospel. I was thankful for Christ. I was thankful for a God whom is also a Father. After she recited the passage, she went on to tell how the Lord had used that Scripture in her life. 

She repeated verse 10, "For my father and my mother have forsaken me,  but the Lord will take me in." She spoke with more joy than I could ever justly describe with mere words, that her father and her mother had, in fact, forsaken her. But it was okay. She went on to explain that it was okay because God's word tells her that the Lord will never forsake her. The assurance she found and testified to of the infallible Word of God was incredible, peace-filled, and confident. She didn't shed a tear over the abandonment of her parents, though she probably had prior to this point. She was trusting in the Lord to not only provide for her, but to be her Father. 

The contentment, peace, and joy with which she spoke was encouraging and pointed straight to the Father who has provided for her deepest need in Christ's suffering, death, and resurrection. She knows that although she is currently facing estrangement from her family, she knows that Christ has suffered the ultimate suffering and hers, comparatively, is not so bad. She holds fast the promise that she will not be afraid of this life because she knows her future both on earth and after she dies is in Christ.

As she finished testifying of God's grace, I wiped the tears from my eyes, placed my hands together, palms pressed together, fingers pointing up right below my chin and gave a slight nod to her to humbly thank her for her testament of God's grace in her life.

I pray that the Spirit would cause the words to come alive in your heart and bring you incredibly joy that is only found in knowing that it is the Lord is your light, your salvation, your stronghold and because of that, come what may, you can live without fear.

The Lord is my light and my salvation;
    whom shall I fear?
The Lord is the stronghold^[a] of my life;
    of whom shall I be afraid?

² When evildoers assail me
    to eat up my flesh,
my adversaries and foes,
    it is they who stumble and fall.

³ Though an army encamp against me,
    my heart shall not fear;
though war arise against me,
    yet^[b] I will be confident.

⁴ One thing have I asked of the Lord,
    that will I seek after:
that I may dwell in the house of the Lord
    all the days of my life,
to gaze upon the beauty of the Lord
    and to inquire^[c] in his temple.

⁵ For he will hide me in his shelter
    in the day of trouble;
he will conceal me under the cover of his tent;
    he will lift me high upon a rock.

⁶ And now my head shall be lifted up
    above my enemies all around me,
and I will offer in his tent
    sacrifices with shouts of joy;
I will sing and make melody to the Lord.

⁷ Hear, O Lord, when I cry aloud;
    be gracious to me and answer me!
⁸ You have said, “Seek^[d] my face.”
My heart says to you,
    “Your face, Lord, do I seek.”^[e]
9     Hide not your face from me.
Turn not your servant away in anger,
    O you who have been my help.
Cast me not off; forsake me not,
    O God of my salvation!
¹⁰ For my father and my mother have forsaken me,
    but the Lord will take me in.

¹¹ Teach me your way, O Lord,
    and lead me on a level path
    because of my enemies.
¹² Give me not up to the will of my adversaries;
    for false witnesses have risen against me,
    and they breathe out violence.

¹³ I believe^[f] that I shall look upon the goodness of the Lord
    in the land of the living!
¹⁴ Wait for the Lord;
    be strong, and let your heart take courage;
    wait for the Lord!