Spirit lead me where my trust is without borders
Let me walk upon the waters
Wherever You would all me
Take me deeper than my feet could ever wander
And my faith will be made stronger
In the presence of my Savior
~ "Oceans" by Hillsong
Last night I went to the gym for my normal workout. Little did I know the Lord would use that hour to quiet my soul and speak to me. About 45 minutes into the workout, this song came on. I was just singing and lifting along until the bridge played and the Lord silenced me. There I stood toning my arms with tears coming to my eyes. I know this maybe sounds cliche but the Lord challenged me. Could I really sing this song? Could I really sing this bridge? Lord, can I really say take me where my trust is without borders? Really, Lord, really?
With everything in me, I want to say, "Yes." Oh, do I want to say, "Yes." But instead there I finished my workout in silence unable to kick those words out of my mind.
Lord, what would that look like?
Would that mean that I uproot my family and move somewhere distant from all family and friends?
Or would that mean that we stay and continue doing ministry here?
Would that mean giving up my job?
Would that mean that you send us to a foreign country like some of our other friends?
Would that mean that you send us into dangerous territory where there are bombings and other life threatening situations like some of our friends?
Would that mean that we would lose our sweet baby like some of our friends?
Would that mean being arrested for spreading your word? We know some of those people too.
Would that mean one of our lives being taken?
You see, even in asking those questions I have already shown that my faith is not strong. I want answers. I want to know what may happen. And to be honest, I fear some of those things.
But what is fear? Hasn't God conquered that fear in Christ? He sent Christ to die and take on His full wrath that I deserve. This should be the only thing to be feared, and God in Christ has satisfied it.
So what is this other stuff? This is my humanity. This is my fear. This is my desire to have my family, to be comfortable, to have things "easy." Honestly, who doesn't want those things? But for those things to get in the way of my trust in the Lord is the problem.
You see, faith without borders can't be restricted in my perfect little picture of a family living in a small town where everybody knows your name. Faith without borders can't be okay as long as I have given my stamp of approval. Faith without borders can't be me deciding anything.
Faith without borders is where we are. Now.
We would have never imagined being where we are at this stage in our lives, but we know that God has an awesome plan. We know this because he has sustained us during this time. Although sometimes my heart wants to break for what we have been through the past few months, the Lord reminds me that he's got this.
So back to the song .... I'm still not sure I'm "comfortable" singing those words, but with a deep breath I cling to God's sweet, sustaining grace and say...
"I will call upon your name
And keep my eyes above the waves
When oceans rise
My soul will rest in Your embrace
For I am yours and You are mine."
